Truthsaying and the power of intention.

I am a truthsayer. A quote I used to have in the sidebar on my old blog was:

“I used to think I shouldn’t tell my story until I knew the truth. Now I know it’s through the telling that the truth is revealed.” -- me

Truthsaying is something that comes naturally to me. I’ve always been a truth teller, even as a little girl. My mom has told me may times that as a young child when I did something wrong I usually ended up telling on myself and she would feel so bad seeing my obvious remorse, she’d couldn’t even punish me.

I’ve done nothing wrong today. I don't have anything to “tell on myself about.” I just have something to communicate that is going on with me that I feel like I’ve been holding back talking about on this blog.

I’ve spent a couple days in the hospital this weekend and several days in the emergency room over the past two weeks. I feel very vulnerable talking about this publicly in my new blog where my intention is to write inspiring content about the spiritual side of work and career. I want to be a positive voice of hope and inspiration, not a “downer” voice about illness. But my truth is I am healing from a very serious disease and just leaving out discussions about that on my blog feels deceptive somehow. I’m realizing tonight that sometimes being a truthsayer means revealing the darker side of my life to you all. The challenging side. Why? Because we all have challenges and it’s important that we acknowledge them and be transparent with others about them. We can identify and learn from each others’ challenges as much as our triumphs.

A little over a year ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. This is an autoimmune disease where my body’s t-cells sometimes go on a little spaz attack and eat up the protective coating around my nerves. I experience a host of uncomfortable neurological symptoms many days of my life. Everything from numb and nearly paralyzed hands that make typing (or even holding a glass of water) nearly impossible some days… to excruciating back and neck pain… to blurred vision, vertigo and headaches and beyond. I don’t feel all of these symptoms all of the time, but enough that it can interfere in my life and limit my ability to do the things I “planned” on doing that day.

This is why I keep my client load very low and only work part time. Stress tends to exacerbate my symptoms and I’d rather be able to serve a few select people very effectively rather then be overwhelmed and not feel capable of doing stellar work for each client on my roster.

One client who I met with for an initial consultation awhile back expressed concern about my condition. She said she was worried I wouldn’t be physically capable of being present for her when she needed me. I told her I heard her concern and that if she felt uncomfortable about coming on as my client simply because I have a physical disability, I didn’t really want her on my roster. I want to work with people who are willing to allow me to be absolutely REAL at all times and people who can be mutually honest with me. After some discussion, this woman decided to sign on for a six month contract and we’ve really had a blast working together. We came up with a rockin’ name for her business. Created a BEAUTIFUL, original hand-painted logo and now we’re working on her print materials and website. It’s true that I’ve had to reschedule a couple of appointments to tend to my health but progress on her jobs has continued at a steady pace all along and she’s nearly ready to launch herself into the world in a whole new way. I’m so grateful to this client that she decided to take a leap of faith and work with me despite her fear. And I'm so excited about what we're creating for her.

My health condition also sometimes puts limits on what I can accomplish for myself and my business in a given day, which can be frustrating if I allow it to be. But as one of my client’s like to say to me:

“You’ve got to keep the main thing, the main thing.”

I love that saying. For me the main thing is my health. When I’m not feeling the best I possibly can none of my other priorities (spiritual practice, family, friends, or business) can be effectively attended to.

Lately the main thing has fallen off the top of my list. I haven’t taken as good of care of myself as usual. I’ve been “doing” too much, not eating my best, and missing some of my important appointments with the healers who keep me in good shape because I’m “too busy.” My body sent me a major message this week that it’s time to get things back in check. I lost all sensation in my body from the waist down (yes that even means my genitals – no fun at all!) and am having struggles walking. This is the first time I’ve experienced major symptoms in my lower body and it’s a clear message I have to slow down (no matter how many cool things I want to accomplish right now!) I usually use all natural medicine and alternative healers, but I’ve made the decision to try some western medicine techniques this time to see how they work for me. I’m nervous about this decision, but am trusting that I’m being led in the right direction each day.

MS is viewed as an incurable, chronic progressive disease. I have an aunt and know several other women who are completely paralyzed by it. For one the paralysis took 30 years to develop. For my aunt, it was only ten years after her diagnosis before she was bed-bound.

I am totally determined that my path with this disease will be different. Despite all the things I’ve learned and seen about MS, I still maintain complete, 100% faith that this disease can be arrested and reversed completely. I believe our bodies have an INFINITE ability to heal any disease they create. This may be a radical or “off the wall” belief from the western medical view, but I hold it in my heart with complete certainty.

I’d like to ask for prayers and positive healing thoughts from all of you over the next few weeks. I believe in the power of prayer and the power of intention. I intend to spontaneously arrest and reverse this disease. And I’m enrolling you to stand with me in support of this intention. There is great power in individual and group intent.

And if you need support for yourself around any intention your holding, add a comment to this blog post… or email me… or just write it in your journal if you’re not ready to share it with others. When we’re making a request to the universe, it’s so important to write down our intention very clearly because it helps you get focused on what you really want. More importantly, writing down your request also makes your desire clear to the divine forces that are much larger than you so they conspire to help you. Sharing your intention with others will help give energy to the idea as well.

So let us all know. What are your current intentions… around your work, your health, your relationships, your spiritual practice, your creativity…any of area you feel you need more focus or change in your life? Just hit “comment” below and you can tell us.